Nice vs. Kind: The Leadership Skill You Need for Annual Reviews—and Self-Care

It’s that time of year when managers are preparing annual reviews. If you’re not a manager, you might have already prepared your self review and you are bracing for your leader’s feedback. As a leader, one of your most important responsibilities is delivering feedback. Whether it’s during annual reviews, performance evaluations, or crucial conversations, your role is to guide, support, and challenge your team to grow. But how you approach these conversations makes all the difference.

Too often, leaders fall into the trap of being nice instead of kind. Niceness prioritizes comfort—avoiding hard truths to keep the peace. Kindness, on the other hand, prioritizes growth—it requires honesty, even when it’s uncomfortable.

This distinction isn’t just essential in leadership; it’s critical in how you lead yourself, too. True self-care isn’t about avoiding discomfort. It’s about facing what needs to be addressed so you can grow, improve, and ultimately thrive.

Leadership, Kindness, and the Annual Review

Think about the last time you had to give someone tough feedback. Maybe you softened the truth to avoid hurting their feelings. Maybe you avoided the issue altogether, hoping they’d figure it out on their own. That’s niceness—and while it feels good in the moment, it doesn’t serve anyone in the long run.

A truly kind leader delivers the hard truths with empathy and clarity. They don’t sugarcoat or avoid, but they also don’t criticize without care. They recognize that feedback, when delivered with kindness, is a gift—it gives their team members the opportunity to grow.

The same principle applies to yourself. When was the last time you gave yourself an honest annual review?

Are you setting boundaries that protect your well-being? (or are you overworking?)
Are you making choices that support your physical and mental health? (or choices that help you cope in the moment?)
Are you leading yourself with clarity, or are you avoiding the hard conversations you need to have?

A leader wouldn’t let their team stay stagnant, why should you let yourself?

Self-Soothing vs. Self-Sabotage: Are You Leading Yourself Well?

One of the biggest pitfalls leaders face—both in managing teams and in self-care—is mistaking self-soothing for self-care.

Self-soothing is necessary. After a tough day, it’s okay to occasionally unwind with a favorite show, indulge in comfort food, or take a break. But when self-soothing becomes the norm and is an excuse to avoid necessary action, it turns into self-sabotage.

Saying, “I need rest” is self-care. Saying, “I’ll start eating healthy next monday” (for the fifth month in a row) is self-sabotage.
Taking a break after a long day is self-care. Using exhaustion as a reason to avoid hard conversations is self-sabotage.
Allowing yourself grace is self-care. Avoiding personal accountability is self-sabotage.

As a leader, you wouldn’t let your team settle for mediocrity. You would challenge them to step up, even when it’s uncomfortable. Why not do the same for yourself?

The Kindest Thing You Can Do for Yourself—and Your Team

Being kind to yourself means holding yourself to a high standard—not out of punishment, but because you deserve to live at your best. It means taking inventory of your choices, just like an annual performance review, and asking:

Where am I excelling? (what was once difficult that I am now really good at?)
Where do I need to improve? (what’s the thing that I still need to practice?)
What uncomfortable truths do I need to face to reach my goals?

Leaders know that real success comes from the long-term, not just momentary comfort. The same goes for self-care.

So, as you approach this year’s annual reviews—both for your team and yourself—remember:
Being nice keeps you comfortable.
Being kind helps you grow.

Choose kindness. Lead well. And don’t forget—you’re leading yourself, too.

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And if you are too burned out and overwhelmed to even begin to use any of these strategies it might be time to get some help. Find a coach, therapist, or doctor who can help you reverse out of the physical, mental, and emotional symptoms of burnout so you can get back to living in life you love.

Remember, Self-care isn’t selfish…it’s required!

Yvonne Lee-Hawkins, IPHM, is a holistic Leadership and Wellness coach, stress strategist, and writer, who spent 20 years in corporate and leadership functions. When she is not working, she loves to go on nature adventures with her family, in the Pacific Northwest where they call home. You can find out more on her website, or follow her on LinkedIn, Medium, or Instagram.

If you want some help tapping into self-leadership leading your team with kindness and clarity, or with general wellness, schedule a call here.

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