Create a Life You Love

A life you love begins with understanding what truly matters to you. A life that supports your wellness is one built on a foundation of values, priorities, and habits that support those values and priorities. A great way to create a lifestyle that energizes you is to prioritize health, meaningful relationships, and personal growth while letting go of the things that no longer serve you.  Things that no longer serve you include other people’s expectations, like what your parents want for you, what you think you “should” want , or even what you might have wanted in the past.

Clarify Your Values and Priorities

The first step to designing a life you love is to identify what is most important to you (your values). When we live in alignment with our values, we feel fulfilled and less likely to experience burnout in the first place.  It is like that Mahatma Gandhi quote, “happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”  Have you ever noticed that when you are asked to do something that goes against your values, you don’t feel great? Let’s take stealing as an example. How happy would you be working at a company that regularly asks you to steal from customers or coworkers?  How about a company that regularly asks you to steal time from your family or loved ones?  If I were to bet, I’d say you wouldn’t work at the first company. But how many of us are willing to put up with the second one? Reflecting on these values and how you are living them helps you make intentional choices that support a purposeful life.

Action Step: Reflect on Core Values                Take time to review the top 100 human values list and write down your top five values. These might include career/money, family, creativity, health, growth, or compassion. Keep these values in mind as you make daily decisions. I do an exercise with my clients where they select their top10 and then together we prioritize them against each other until they have their top 5 in the order most important to them.

Action Step: Define Your Priorities   Not only do you need to prioritize your values, but then based on your values, you have to identify your key priorities. For example, if health is a top priority, you have to make sure you allocate time each week to being healthy. This includes time for exercise, meal planning, and recovery. If you say your top priority is health, but don’t actually do anything to be healthy, then you are lying to yourself. This happens often. In my coaching, I frequently help clients be honest with themselves and unpack what is getting in the way of who they want to be.

Set Boundaries to Protect Your Time and Energy

Boundaries is a fancy word for what you are willing to put up with and what you aren’t.  Boundaries are needed to create a lifestyle that supports your well-being. When you create clear boundaries, you protect yourself from over-commitment and stress, making it easier to stay centered and focused on what matters.  There’s a famous saying that says “if everything is important, then nothing is.”  The reality is that not everything will get done, so you have to intentionally decide what is most important to you.

Action Step: Identify Non-Negotiables           Decide which aspects of your life are non-negotiable, such as exercise , family time, sleep, or self-care routines. Make it a habit to say “no” to commitments that interfere with these priorities. If 6pm is dinner time with your family, then “No, I can’t attend happy hour at 6pm.”  You can either socialize earlier, later, or another day.

Action Step: Set Clear Boundaries                  To prevent burnout, establish clear boundaries between work and personal life. For instance, avoid checking emails once you are home and designate specific times for work, leisure, and family.  It wouldn’t be acceptable for you to bring your laundry to work, so why do we think it’s ok to just answer one more e-mail at the dinner table?  Especially with Return to Office mandates, it is more important than ever to re-establish clear boundaries. 

Action Step: Communicate Your Boundaries                Share your boundaries with those around you, especially colleagues, friends, and family. Let them know what you need, whether it’s uninterrupted work hours or quiet time in the evening.  I once had a very effective VP who let everyone know that she is in the office early (7am), “so if you need something my office is open.”  She also let us know that she “leaves the office at 5pm on the dot and unless there is a death or serious customer emergency, it can wait until the next day.”  Were there occasional emergencies? Yes and she was there for them. However, by communicating and modeling this behavior, the team rarely had last minute “urgent” meetings and everyone was happier and more productive.

Embrace a Slower, More Intentional Pace

When we are constantly bombarded with activity and instant gratification, adopting a slower pace can at first feel shocking.  However, it will have a profoundly positive impact on our well-being. When we slow down, we create space for mindfulness, gratitude, creativity, and meaningful connections, all of which help prevent burnout.  A coach I once worked with put it this way, “you wouldn’t plant a seed and dig it up every day to see how much progress you’ve made.”  You’d kill the plant. Instead, plant the seed, make sure there is sunshine and water, and trust that it will grow. The same goes for you, or anything you are working on.

Some things to try:

Practice Mindful Living      Pay attention to each activity you engage in, from eating to working. Have you ever driven somewhere and not remembered how you got there?  You were on autopilot, busy thinking about lots of things. Next time you drive somewhere, try to pay attention to the landmarks, people, and places as if you are experiencing them for the first time. Mindfulness allows you to stay present, enjoy the moment, and reduce stress.

Limit Digital Distractions    Excessive screen time can contribute to mental fatigue and reduce our ability to stay focused. Set aside specific times each day to disconnect from devices and engage in offline activities.  If you are someone who can’t eat a meal without a device, I challenge you to put it down just for one meal. Enjoy each bite and savor the flavors. Perhaps talk to a friend or colleague instead of scrolling through emails.  I recently tested a new app called Clear Space to limit social media use.  You can set it to a certain time and then have to earn extra minutes by doing an exercise like pushups or squats or doing a mindful breathing exercise. It showed me how much I’m reaching for my phone each day. Plus, my kids enjoyed making fun of me when I did squats to earn more Instagram time.

Schedule Breaks and Leisure Time   Build rest and relaxation into your routine. Short breaks throughout the day, such as a 5-minute stretch or a 15-minute walk, can refresh your mind and help prevent burnout.  One of the best ways to prevent the after-lunch slump, rather than grab another cup of coffee, is to go for a brisk walk outside. Weather not cooperating? That’s ok, walk a few laps around the office or take the stairs.  Your brain and your waist will thank you.

Prioritize Rest and Quality Sleep

Rest and sleep are fundamental to our physical and mental health. To design a life that supports well-being, you need to prioritize rest as much as productivity. Sleep helps our bodies recharge, balances our hormones, enhances our mood, and improves our resilience against stress.

There was a recent discovery about a brain system called the glymphatic system. It is a mechanism in which your brain cleans up space and takes out the trash (so to speak).  What is fascinating is that they believe it doesn’t trigger until your 4^th sleep cycle. So if you are someone who thinks you only need 4-5 hours of sleep, you are preventing your brain from performing much needed self cleaning. You might not feel it now, but it will catch up with you someday.  I’m not trying to scare you. Just realize that sleep is one of the most important processes your body runs. You can live, on average, 21-60 days without food, but the longest studied case of someone surviving without sleep was just over 10 days. Being awake for 24 hours can cause reduced reaction time, slurred speech and impaired vision (worse than drunk driving), and 36 hours without sleep can cause hormone imbalances and a suppressed immune system. At 72 hours people start to show psychological breakdowns including hallucinations and psychosis.

Create a Relaxing Evening Routine   Establish a wind-down routine that signals to your body that it’s time to rest. This might include dimming the lights, reading, or taking a warm bath.  The more you repeat the routine, the faster your body recognizes it’s time to sleep. This includes going to bed and waking up the same time each day. Yes, even on weekends. If you must sleep in on weekends, try not to make it more than an hour later than your usual. This consistency helps regulate your body’s internal clock, leading to more restful sleep.

Limit Stimulants Before Bedtime     Avoid caffeine, nicotine, and heavy meals in the hours leading up to bedtime. These stimulants can disrupt sleep and make it harder to fall asleep.  It’s also a good idea to avoid alcohol at least two hours before you plan to sleep. I experimented with this endlessly, until I finally concluded that for me, any alcohol disrupts my sleep.  I also found that I am personally sensitive to sugar. Too much sugar throughout the day and my sleep is disrupted. Keep track to see what affects your sleep to get a good routine going.

To sum it up, creating a life you love, one that is satisfying and sustainable doesn’t have to feel impossible. All it takes is a truthful evaluation of what matters to you and how you are living compared to that. Many of our values change as we go from starting out in our first jobs to becoming established leaders. When we only have to worry about ourselves, money and career might be the most important. As we grow, meet partners and create families, our values change.  There is no wrong answer, but if you are feeling burned out, isn’t it worth investigating to see if you are living in a way that truly matters to you?  I sure think it is!